Understanding
by angrytotogirl
Summary: A series of one-shots about sacrifice, revolving around the Tonks and Black families
1. Dumbledore's Orders

**This is less of a story, and more of a set of connected one-shots. Focusing on the reasoning of the Black family and those connected to them during Order of the Phoenix and Deathly Hallows. It is a bit angst-y, but it kind of has to be- it is about understanding when it is time to sacrifice.**

**This first one is the only one set during Order of the Phoenix.**

Sirius had given up any chance to be a hero. He would never leave his house by his own choice, to fight alongside his friends and never return. All those decisions he had placed in Dumbledore's hands, and Dumbledore decided that Sirius should stay home while others went out and did the fighting and dying.

Sirius might complain about Dumbledore, and question his reasoning, but Sirius could never really go against him. Dumbledore led the Order into every battle, and was the greatest hero Sirius had ever known.

Dumbledore would sacrifice anything for the cause, even making those he protected hate him, if that is what he had to do.

And Sirius knew that Dumbledore's order for him to remain in the house was something Dumbledore had to do, to protect him. Sirius could be recognized, and shipped back to Azkaban, or Sirius could die and then Harry would have no Godfather. Sirius understood why Dumbledore made these choices.

But when Sirius found out that Harry and his friends were at the Ministry, and in danger, Sirius understood it was time to defy Dumbledore's orders.


	2. Family

**This chapter is set during the beginning of Deathly Hallows.**

Ted's bags were packed and by the door. Remus looked down on them and realized how little Ted Tonks was bringing with him. Of course, when you are going into hiding not a lot could be brought.

Upstairs Ted was saying a tearful good-bye to Andromeda. Tonks was gone when the urgent message came that Bellatrix Black was looking for Ted, and she wouldn't be here to say good-bye. Remus knew how much that would hurt her, having left her without saying good-bye before. But even the guilt over what the last year had done to Tonks was nothing compared to the guilt he had felt since they had gotten married.

Ted came down the stairs, looking around, seeming to take everything in for the last time. Something about that strikes Remus as familiar- he remembers the nights he has spent, watching Tonks sleep, memorizing her face and wondering what their child might look like. The child he was already beginning to realize that he might never see.

Remus lifted up a bag for Ted, and together the two men went out and strapped the bags to his broom.

"I'll try to stay low, outa sight until I get out of the country. That's what Kingsley advises."

Remus just nods, his mind somewhere else.

He looks back at the house, Tonks' parents' house, where Tonks and he have been living for the last few months. Tonks had to sell her flat when the Ministry fired her. They had questioned her judgment after marrying Remus. And Remus had nowhere to keep his new family.

"Do you think it is right- to leave your family to protect them? For the greater good?"

Remus was shocked at himself for saying it out loud, to Tonks' father no less, and the man turned to him and looked him over, as if he was trying to read him.

"Sometimes I don't understand you, Lupin," Ted said quietly.

Ted stood there in silence for awhile, an awkward silence that Remus thought stretched on for ages, before Ted finally began.

"When I married Andromeda she lost everything. I felt so guilty about it- because she married me she lost her family, her friends, and her wealth. But now that we were married, nothing could be gained by leaving her then. Would her family accept her just because I had left? And Andromeda- we got through the tough times together for all of these years. When I held Dora in my arms for the first time, I knew that I would never want to leave her. But now I must leave her, and Andromeda, for the greater good, as you said. There are times when leaving your family is best. When you truly understand that they would be better off without you there, and knowing that despite the sorrow you all feel it really is for the best. But there is a difference between making the sacrifice to leave your family, and leaving your family for your own reasons. Maybe someday you'll understand the difference, and think long and hard about your choice before you ever decide to leave."

Ted got onto the broom, and turned back to look once again at Remus.

"Promise me you'll watch over them."

Remus promised, and Ted smiled. It made Remus feel guilty. Ted assumed that he had just made Remus promise that he would stay.

But Remus understood Ted's argument, or at least he thought he did at the time. He thought that his family would truly be better off without him there, and that he was as much of a danger to them as Ted was.

So Remus promised that he would watch over them, protect them, by making the sacrifice to be as far away as possible.

Two weeks after Tonks got the news that her father had left while she was out, her husband disappeared also.


	3. The Home Front

Andromeda and Dora paced their bedrooms at night, kept a constant vigil at their windows, ran to the door whenever there was a knock, and sat together during every meal without confiding in each other their shared fears.

Andromeda was strong and had tea ready every day for Dora, and Dora was strong and kept her hair pink every day for her baby.

Dora was secretly jealous of her mother, even though their situations seemed so much alike. At least Andromeda had gotten the chance to say good-bye to Ted, and Andromeda had no doubts that Ted loved her and if he could, he would return. She had none of the confusion Dora felt as she waited for Remus to return.

'If' was not a word either woman spoke during those weeks. Everything they said or thought was stated in terms of absolute certainty. If they allowed a little doubt about anything, then that doubt might expand, destroying their already fragile home and undermining their strength.

So the mother and daughter waited silently. Andromeda would ignore Dora's cries in the night because she was too busy with her own grief to comfort her daughter, and Dora fretted constantly about whether Remus would be back before their baby's birth.

This continued throughout those weeks, until a lone figure apparated outside the house, putting a stop to the cycle. He could be seen from one of the windows that Andromeda and Dora sat at, keeping their vigil.

Even though it was early morning and too dark to see the man clearly, they knew who it was instantly. Dora's heart told her who it was, and Andromeda's heart told her who it wasn't.

Dora raced down the stairs; a danger to herself and the baby, but for once grace was on her side.

Andromeda stayed up on the landing, surveying the scene below. She could not bear to be a part of Dora's joy, because she was secretly jealous of her daughter. Dora could hold her husband once again and say all the things she never got the chance to say. While Andromeda, for the first time, allowed herself to think 'if'.

Dora threw open the door for Remus, but seeing him there, standing before her, froze her to the spot. She couldn't run into his arms, hit him for having her worry, tell him she loved him or scream and yell. All she could do was look into his eyes and read the grief there.

"Dora," he said, calling her by her mother's nickname for her for the first time, "I'm sorry- but…"

What could he say? What would make up for the last few weeks of constant fear and doubt?

"Ted's dead."

All of Dora's fear and misery and love gave strength to her wail, and she fell to her knees.

Remus' arms were around her, and they stayed like that in the doorway for what felt like an eternity.

Remus did eventually help her up and over to the couch, kissing her hair and repeating over and over, "I'm sorry, I love you…"

She cried into his shirt, almost unwilling to let go of him ever again.

But there was something more important than her grief.

"Mo-mother," she managed to mumble out.

Remus let her go softly and went to look for Andromeda.

She was in the kitchen making tea.

Watching her, instead of worrying about Andromeda's mind, Remus noticed the woman's strength. She would cry later, when the war was over. Now was not the time for her sorrow- now was the time to help her daughter with her pregnancy, help the cause any way she could. And make tea for those not strong enough to get through it.

Remus realized that Ted had known Andromeda's strength. He knew when he left that if something happened, she would get through it. Not because she didn't love him, but there were people they both loved that needed to be taken care of first.

Remus looked upwards, imagining the heavens beyond the ceiling of the Tonks' hallway.

"Ted, I understand now."


	4. All For Happier Days

There were weeks after that, many weeks of happier emotions. The baby came, and for the first time Remus held his son in his arms.

They were a real family now, despite all the odd things. So what if they lived in her parents' house? So what if the full moon was coming up? So what if his son was born in the middle of a war?

Their house was the most perfect house in the world, because no other house had Teddy in it. Looking at Dora and Teddy, he felt like he had something to live for, for the first time in years.

But something to live for was also something to give your life for.

That night came when he got the message that Harry needed his help. Hogwarts was in danger and they needed everyone they could get.

So he leaves Dora again, this time with a proper good-bye, and even though it seems as though she would never let go of him, she eventually does.

Because this is a new Remus. This Remus will do everything he can to come home after the battle to be with his family.

He also understands that if tonight is the night he has to make the final sacrifice it is making the right decision for those he cares about.

Remus leaves and Dora lasts about twenty minutes until she leaves Teddy with her mother to go after him.

Because she understands as well.


	5. Bellatrix

Bellatrix Lestrange is in love with the Dark Lord.

She would do anything for him because he is all that matters in the world.

The Dark Lord sees what she does and is proud of her, but Bellatrix knows it is not enough.

It is not enough to support him by spreading the world and living a decent pureblood lifestyle. It is not enough to fight beside him to keep him from falling. It is not enough to be locked away in prison for supporting him.

Bellatrix knows only one thing that will prove her loyalty and love to the Dark Lord.

Bellatrix Lestrange understands that she will need to make the ultimate sacrifice.


	6. Sacrifice

Andromeda waits by the door. Teddy is upstairs in his crib sleeping.

Andromeda waits for someone to come home. Tonight was a night of 'ifs' in this house. Alone in the house Andromeda let herself be weak.

A lone figure comes up to the door. It is not Dora or Remus, and Andromeda is not surprised.

The man, who she vaguely remembers as Dora's friends from work, Kingsley, gives her the news.

There is no grief, but she is not numb like she was with Ted's death. Now she is angry.

"Who did it?" she snapped, "Who killed my daughter?"

The man is tired, she can tell, probably from the long battle. The fact that he is here at all means that he-who-must-not-be-named was defeated and everything they fought for is now going to happen.

But Andromeda could care less. There is only rage inside of her as she thinks about her baby girl going off to fight against those monsters.

The baby girl who would never see her own baby grow up, would never hold her husband again, and would never grow old.

"Who killed my daughter!?"

"It was Bellatrix," the man says softly, knowing their relationship.

"I'll kill her! I'll kill her with my bare hands!" Andromeda is ready to go out right now and take care of her sister, who took her family away.

"She's already dead."

Andromeda stops in her tracks, and her rage, while still present, stops being her over-riding emotion. Now, for the first time, there is grief. Real grief as she imagines what the battle must have been like. The battle that took her family, on both sides.

For a moment Andromeda considers letting her grief take over, but then Teddy's wail can be heard from upstairs.

After Kingsley leaves, Andromeda will head up and hold onto Teddy, as though she will never let him go. Because she understands that is what she must do.

"That's the sacrifice you and I have to make," she says, more to herself than to Kingsley, "We were spared and now we will have to make sure that what they died for comes to pass. To make the world better for the loved ones they left behind. Our sacrifice is to keep living until we can all be reunited."


End file.
